Internet dating. OMG.
Don't get me wrong; it's fine in principle. It's prevalent and probably really the best way to meet people in many ways, nowadays. It even seems like it could be a little fun, in a Facebook-kind of way.
I guess, to be quite honest, that I just "have a bad attitude" (to use a phrase that rings through our apartment at some point every day - often around bedtime). In many ways, I still don't feel "ready." Even if I've already been living on my own for 10 months, and essentially without man for more than half a decade. During my 30's. Ugh. I still miss the old O and still want the old life back. But obviously it's not gonna happen.
And I've noticed people starting to ask, directly or indirectly, if I ever meet "Anyone?" Am I feeling Ready? Are there any Men at work? (HA - women didn't even get the right to vote in Switzerland until the 1970's. What Swiss workplace doesn't have men?) Or people ask if I ever think about meeting Someone or dating again. (DUH. How could I not think about that???)
Of course it's lonely sometimes. When I see certain images - say, Mr. Darcy or Mark Darcy bestowing his smouldering look on his leading lady - I feel a stab in my heart. Will anyone ever look at me like that again? Will I find anyone I'd want to look at like that? (I'm talkin' Colin Firth in Pride and Prejudice OR Bridget Jones' Diary, people. Sigh.)
But at the same time, I feel a teensy bit as if I've just scuttled out after years of human bondage. I'm not blind to the upside of eating cereal for dinner, listening to Christmas music as many months out of the year as pleases me, wearing pajamas at any time and generally doing at home what I want when I want. Being on my own is harder in many ways, but it can be easier, too. I AM the boss of me.
On the other hand, it's perhaps a tad unhealthy to settle into the life of a hermit (or a nun!) at this age. Settle being the operative word. Maybe I won't be able to reverse the hermit condition if I wait much longer?! My natural introversion probably makes the danger more accute.
So... on a sleepless night like many others, when exhaustion was making me loopier by the hour, I clicked around the Web and found an acceptable-looking local online dating site in German. Then - exceeding my wildest hopes - I even found a Swiss site in English! And so the free trials began.
I will continue the story next time, shedding light on the sometimes absurd netherworld I discovered from the moment I signed up. For the time being, I will leave you with two tidbits:
1. The first or second most painful profile description I've read from the men who have invited me for chats (so many - more on that next time!). It goes like this, with no embellishment: "i m a simple man." [sic] Ack!