|I have a lot in common
with Clark Kent. Well, not a lot, really. But we have both pulled some identity shifts. |
Everyone's identity morphs sometimes, to some extent. People might identify themselves with a certain clique in high school, with a profession or a hobby, and/or take pride in an identity as a vegetarian, a fan of a sports team, a resident of a beloved city, proponent of a favorite cause, an expat, a mom or dad. Over the past nine years, my identity, to me, was mostly: mom, then single mom. There have been lots of other components, but that has been the uppermost layer. After O's accident, I was a mom, still, but the 'single' makes a big difference. (Fun fact: In German the expression is not 'single parent,' but 'raising-a-child-alone parent.')
So it feels strange to duck into that phone booth again and essentially adopt another identity once more. But it is time to do so, because many changes are afoot. I am about to no longer be a Single mom. I'm starting again - with a new partner, and even a new baby, due in 76 days (I recommend the "How Far Along Am I?" feature on www.pregnology.com to all obsessive expectant parents).
What will this new identity be like? Does a newly unsingle mom just fall into a family pattern of "normal" again, just like that "normal" that eluded one during the nuclear-family-fallen-apart years? Will it be like having PTSD, or having a baby after infertility, which makes one jumpier, more anxious, sensitive and protective than if all had been "normal" all along?
Maybe there ought to be atrendy media buzzword for single moms who get a new start with a new partner and new kid. There are patchwork families, SAHMs (stay-at-home moms) DINKs (double income, no kids). I'll be on the lookout for a fitting nickname. If you have one, do share.
Guess it will be time to update the blog profile soon. I won't be "thirtysomething" much longer, either....